There is no doubt that getting girls is not easy.
If getting girls was easy, the average man would be swimming in pussy but that’s far from being the case.
The mating game is a massively rigged one for men where the majority of men are the losers and the minority of men are the winners.
Due to the nature of the sexes, the average man is a loser in the mating game whereas the average woman is a winner.
A tiny minority of men swim in pussy, a small percentage of men do OK with women and the rest of the men have a hard time getting girls.
With that being said, men have been getting women for 200,000 years so if you are a man having difficulty to get girls, you are not completely out of luck.
In this post, I will break down the biological, social, political and cultural reasons why it is so difficult for the majority of men to get girls.
When you grasp the cold hard facts about how the mating market operates, you will be able to pinpoint your problems and learn how to increase your odds of success with women.
I will also provide strategies to solve the common problems men are facing in the current state of the dating market.
1) Women want the top men
Life is a matter of survival and reproduction. This is true for all living beings and humans are no exception.
Men and women have different strategies for both survival and reproduction. For the most part, strategies for survival and reproduction overlap but they are not always the same.
Our nervous system is built upon the same nervous system that’s found in lobsters. Lobsters have been inhabiting the world for 350 million years. Evolution didn’t bother to change a system that has been working successfully for 350 million years.
Scientists study lobsters to predict human behavior because the nervous system of lobsters runs on serotonin and octopamine just like our nervous system but the lobster nervous system is so simple that it’s easily observable.
In a community of lobsters, male lobsters compete with each other for the resources. Eventually, one male lobster defeats all the other male lobsters and becomes the winner. Here’s where the female lobsters come into the picture. Once the winner male is decided, female lobsters make themselves available for mating with him. This is a clever strategy because this way, they have access to the rich resources which the winner male lobster has acquired.
The human nervous system operates on a similar strategy. The human females are attracted to winner human males and they ignore the losers.
Of course, the human nervous system is a lot more complicated than the nervous system of the lobsters and we also have social and cultural norms, but the basic premises of the 350 million-year-old mating game remain the same.
Women want the highest status men in their territory.
Status markers for men are wealth, health, popularity, good looks, confidence, social skills, strength (mental and physical), courage, decisiveness, posture, leadership, adventurousness, artistic talent and social skills.
The more of these status markers you have, the more women you will attract.
The phenomenon of women wanting the top men is called hypergamy.
This graph accurately depicts how the mating market is skewed towards the top men:
Another research by okcupid.com (a popular dating site in the US) shows that women tend to rate 80% of the men on the site as below average:
Being an average man means being a loser in the mating game.
Luckily, men have too many options to improve themselves, break out of the confines of being average, and rise to the top.
Improving his value and status is so crucial to a man that I wrote an entire book for men who are tired of being average and want to live the good life that men at the top get to enjoy. Feel free to check it out but I have to warn you that rising to the top is no easy task. It requires massive action on your part.
2) The recent changes in modern society
The second most important reason why it’s so difficult to get women in our time and age is the result of the changes in social norms.
A few generations ago, men and women were matched in the mating market through a strong socially and governmentally enforced mating system called monogamy.
As we have already discussed, monogamy isn’t natural. If nature is allowed to run its course, the top men would have harems and the rest of the men would get no women.
The monogamous family structure allowed all men who had stable jobs to have a family to provide for. Otherwise, these men would have no incentive to contribute to society as they wouldn’t have a woman and children to support.
Women are not attracted to average men. They were literally bullied by the society and the government into marriages with men they didn’t want.
The government bullied them by outlawing any type of family formation other than monogamy and the society bullied them by ostracising women who dared to have relationships (and children) with men who already had other women.
As a result, the average man was able to get a woman, although the woman didn’t find him attractive.
In our time and age, the social pressure on women has loosened. Women are no longer ostracised for having relationships with men out of wedlock. Family laws heavily favor women. These changes in the societal and governmental structures unleashed the modern woman’s natural hypergamy.
Today, the average man found himself out in the cold, devoid of female affection and attention. His father and his grandfather only needed a stable job to form a family and procreate.
Having a stable job doesn’t cut it anymore for the average man. Women went back to acting freely on their natural instincts and they all want the top men.
This is what’s currently happening in the mating market. Unless you are deemed a high-value man by women, you are out of luck.
3) Modern men put women on pedestals
The majority of the men in western culture put women on pedestals.
It’s easy to see why putting women on pedestals is counterproductive for men in the mating market.
Remember, women want the top men.
Putting a woman on a pedestal is counterproductive because she naturally wants a man who has more value than she has. When you put her on a pedestal, she automatically loses all the attraction she may otherwise have for you.
Putting women on pedestals is not only a grave mistake for the men who are doing it but it also harms the men who are not doing it.
Hordes of thirsty men who put women on pedestals inflate the egos of women so much that a female 4 on a 1-10 attractiveness scale starts to believe she is a 9.
Women get their cues from men about where they stand in the mating market. When hordes of men drown her in Facebook and Instagram likes or other forms of attention, the average woman starts to believe she has much more value than she actually does.
Never, ever in under any condition put a woman on a pedestal.
When you put women on pedestals, you are not only shooting yourself in the foot but you are also poisoning the well for other men.
4) The indirectness of women
Men are overt at expressing their interest but women are covert at it.
Most men fail to read the cues of interest women send their way.
Men are not naturally good at reading covert signs. Women are masters of it and they expect the men to get it when they show interest.
Since they show their interest in not so obvious ways, most men fail to read them and a good chunk of their mating opportunities go wasted.
It doesn’t help to rethink what happened between you and a girl and realize that she was sending you signs of interest. Women want a man who gets their signals instantly. They lose interest in a man who fails to read them.
Reading the attraction signs of women is a skill. As with any other skill, it’s earned and sharpened by practice.
Most men make the mistake of interacting with only the women they are interested in.
Practice flirting with all kinds of women no matter whether you are interested in her or not. It will sharpen your skills.
There’s no shame in flirting a woman and leaving her out in the cold because women do this to men all the time. It’s all part of the mating game.
5) Women’s pick-up advice is misleading
Do you want to learn what women want in a man? Just ask them, bro, they will tell you. It’s common sense.
Yes, it’s common sense to ask women what they want in a man but there’s a little problem: Common sense is always wrong.
You should never take pick-up advice from women. They will mislead you.
They say they want a nice, considerate, kind, unselfish, gentlemanly, honest man but any man who didn’t spend his whole life in a cave knows that it’s all bullshit.
Just like a hunter who wouldn’t bother to take hunting advice from a deer, you should never ever take pick-up advice from a woman.
6) Women giving out misleading signals
Women love attention more than anything. Attention is their bread and butter.
When men pay attention to them, they are very likely to act nice just to keep the attention going even when they are not attracted to the man who is providing free attention.
Inexperienced men misinterpret these signs as if the girl is responding positively to their interest. This helps them to muster up the courage to open up to the girl of their interest, only to receive the dreaded “I see you as a friend” answer. Welcome to the friend zone.
You should never pay attention to a girl in the hopes of getting her. Attention never gets the girl. People don’t value free stuff.
When you give away your attention freely, you must be a low-status man. That’s how girls subconsciously think.
Attention is your best weapon AFTER you are already in a relationship with her.
It’s called “paying attention” for a reason. Your attention is currency. It should not be given freely. It should be expensive. She must earn it.
What you should be doing is to screen the girls to see whether she deserves your attention or not. If she likes you, she will work hard to earn your attention.
Men think attraction gets the girl because they project their behavior into the behaviors of women.
If a man is attracted to a woman, he will most certainly bang her provided that the opportunity presents itself.
But, if a woman is attracted to you, that only gets your foot in the door. Your job is still far from being done.
Girls need to spend some time with the man to feel comfortable with him. If you rush sex before the comfort stage, you will scare her and at that point, it will be difficult to seduce her. Even you somehow succeed to seduce her, she will regret it later because you skipped the comfort phase.
Another type of projection that hurts both men and women is the tendency to think that they are attracted to the same things.
You can see this in the dating site profiles of women. They are attracted to adventurous men who travel a lot and they think men are attracted to the same qualities too.
They put pictures of themselves of the times when they are scuba diving, bungee jumping, traveling to other countries and so on.
Nevertheless, men don’t give a damn about a girl’s adventurousness or which countries she traveled. If she looks attractive then she is attractive, if she doesn’t look attractive than no matter how many countries she visited or how many adventures she went through, she is still not attractive in our eyes.
Most men make similar projection mistakes. Men are attracted to mainly good looks in a woman and they think women are attracted only to the good looks of a man.
Women are attracted to status.
Yes, looking good is a crucial aspect of a man’s status but it’s only a part of the picture.
Wealth, health, popularity, confidence, social skills, strength, courage, decisiveness, posture, leadership, adventurousness, artistic talent, and social skills are all positive, non-looks-related qualities which add to the attractiveness of a man.
8) Approach anxiety and the fear of rejection
Approach anxiety is one of the biggest obstacles that deter men from meeting the women they are attracted to.
Even the most notorious womanizers admit that the approach anxiety never truly disappears.
The age-old saying is true. Courage is not fearlessness. It’s acting in the face of fear.
The best way to conquer the approach anxiety is to approach girls despite the fear. You will get better by practice.
The fear of rejection is different than approach anxiety in the sense that you can still fear rejection if you already know the girl.
Fear of rejection is a symptom of low confidence.
While I was in South East Asia, I’ve seen countless good-looking western men dating hideous women, who are 3-4 points lower than them in terms of attractiveness.
The problem of these men is low confidence. They fear that attractive women will reject them so they go for the low hanging fruit.
Just like a lot of other worthwhile things in life, confidence is earned with risk-taking action.
Women are different than men. They may reject a man even though they like him. A single case of rejection is not a reliable indicator of your attractiveness to the opposite sex.
There are millions of reasons why a girl may reject a man, so don’t decide on the level of your attractiveness with the feedback you get from just one or a few rejections.
Overcome the fear of rejection. Play the numbers game. If one or three or five attractive girls reject you, that means nothing. But, if a hundred attractive girls reject you, you must make adjustments to your perceived value.
When you want a girl, it seems like the whole world is against you.
Her friends, her family, other men who are not your friends (sometimes your friends too), and other women don’t want you to fuck her so th will often cockblock you.
Girls care a great deal about their standing in the society, so she will be greatly influenced by the cockblockers that poison your well.
You can’t completely eradicate the cockblockers but you should always be discrete about your affairs with women. The fewer people involved the better.
10) Lack of role models
The world is constantly changing. The men of previous generations would often marry the first girl they happened to have a relationship with. Playing the field is a fairly new thing. Most of your elders have nothing to teach you about how to pick up girls.
Picking up girls is often a reliable sign of higher value for men. Because of this reason, men tend to exaggerate or outright lie about their pick-up prowess. Successful womanizers are rare, so most men don’t have any reliable mentors to teach them about women.
They usually have to go out on a limb and play the field themselves.
Treat the dating ground as your battlefield. It would be good (and even expected) to have mentors to teach you about women but that rarely happens.
You are mostly on your own. You should uncover every secret by taking action and staying strong.
11) The lies about women
The truth about women is politically incorrect.
Most people in the world live inside a bubble of fantasy where women are infallible angels.
People seem to derive great pleasure from announcing that women are mysterious creatures who are impossible to figure out. Men take refuge in this nonsense as an excuse for their failure with women. Women are also happy with being perceived as mysterious.
Women aren’t hard to figure out and moreover, you don’t even need to figure them out in order to be successful at seducing them.
There are more than 7 billion people in the world all being the results of men having sex with oh-so-mysterious women.
Ignore all the lies about women and study the truth if need be. That will get you closer to your goals with women.
The best strategy for getting girls is to improve your worth as a man.
A woman’s value is disproportionately dependent on her looks and youth. A man has a much wider array of qualities that make him attractive to the opposite sex.
Build muscle, get fit, dress better, make money, improve your social skills, travel the world, read books, increase your confidence, learn to lead, approach girls, interact with women of all ages, improve your posture, master a musical instrument, etc. You have an endless array of options to elevate your value.
You don’t even have to worry about your age. The value of a woman plummets as she gets older but a man’s value keeps increasing until older ages. Building value takes time and effort but you are not in a rush. It also helps to study and practice game.
Having high standards for yourself allows you to have high standards for your girls too. Many men think that their lives would be better if they had a girlfriend but that’s not necessarily true.
A relationship with a high-quality girl is a delight where a relationship with a low-quality girl is a huge pain in the ass.
Become a high-value man and never settle for anything less than high-quality women.
Be sure to read:
- How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection
- Be a Better Man in 30 Days Program, an action-driven self-improvement program to improve your worth as a man.
- “I Can’t Stop Thinking About Her”: How to Cure Oneitis and Move On
- How to Get Over a Girl
- 21 Ways to Stop Being an Effeminate Modern Man and Be More Masculine
- Top 12 Mistakes Every Man Should Avoid When Trying to Attract Women