Establishing a powerful reward-punishment mechanism is essential for a man to have a happy and harmonious relationship with his girlfriend.
Relationships may take different forms. In this article, we will cover the exclusive type of relationships, which means she is your girlfriend.
Most of the advice in this article also apply to marriages. But, obviously, it will be harder to dump your wife than it is to dump your girlfriend.
Also, millions of relationships result in marriage. If you follow the reward-punishment structure laid out in this article, you will increase the odds of a successful marriage.
Relationships are complicated. The dynamics of your relationship with a girl go well beyond a reward-punishment mechanism. It’s impossible to cover all aspects of a relationship in a single article. However, setting up a solid reward-punishment structure is of utmost importance to a man.
Getting this right will save you a lot of headaches and skyrocket the contentment you get out of your relationship with your girlfriend.
Why Reward or Punish Your Girlfriend?
Most men dream of getting a girlfriend. Nevertheless, girls are difficult to handle. Getting her does not guarantee keeping her. Moreover, a badly behaving girlfriend may turn your life into a living hell. Lots of men get burned in their relationships with women. A girlfriend should make your life better, not worse.
You want her to be an asset to your life, not a liability. Same goes the other way round. You want to be an asset to her life, not a liability.
Girls hate responsibility. So, you must take responsibility and leadership for the fate of your relationship. Her performance mostly depends on your attitude and frame. You have to keep her behaviors in check, otherwise, she will quickly become a headache. She may even dump you, which I assume you don’t want.
Girls are often believed to be socially savvy but my experience tells me this is not true for relationships. Most girls have no idea how to be a great girlfriend and I doubt that they even care. They all have the deluded belief that just being herself and showing up is enough to keep a man happy. They also tend to think that the only thing men think about is sex, so it’s ok to ignore his other needs. These beliefs are, of course, false.
Don’t believe the hype that girls want to be strong and independent. I can understand their desire to be strong and independent but according to my observations, they don’t want to assume the leadership role in a relationship. Strong and independent are masculine qualities. If you allow her to lead, she will resent you. You have to be her leader. You have to guide her on how to behave.
Girls will also test your boundaries during a relationship. For the most part, they don’t do this consciously. It’s a survival mechanism to test your strength as a man. There will be times you have to stand up to her. Many times, actually. If you can’t even stand up to her, how will you stand up to the cruel outside world on her behalf? How will you protect her from the dangers of the evil world?
Girls are driven by emotion, not logic. Explaining things to her will not work. Your actions should guide her behaviors. Actions speak louder than words. A powerful reward-punishment mechanism will be her compass for her behaviors during the relationship.
Men are attracted to femininity, women are attracted to masculinity. Those who say women and men are equal are full of shit and they have no idea about what they are talking about. Moreover, she doesn’t want to date her equal. Girls want a man whose value exceeds her value. If you are in a relationship with her, you can safely assume that you are already more valuable than her. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be with you. She is your subordinate. You are her leader. So, act like it. Women despise weak, effeminate men. Dominance is a masculine quality that is immensely attractive to women.
How NOT to Reward Your Girlfriend
Most men reward their girlfriends (or wives) with the wrong mentality. They get the reward mechanism completely wrong then they complain about their woman’s bad behavior.
If you want her to behave well, you have to reward her good behavior. Not her bad behavior. Unfortunately, most men reward their woman’s bad behavior and then scratch their heads and try to figure out what’s wrong with her when she continues to behave badly.
Let me give you an example:
John meets her girlfriend after work. She looks unhappy. She is sulking and acting moody for no apparent reason. John is uncomfortable with her behavior. He wants her to cheer up and be happy. He takes her out to a fancy restaurant, thinking this will cheer her up and make her happy.
John just rewarded her bad behavior. Don’t do this. Girls get their cues from you. You are the leader. If acting moody and sulking earns her a fancy dinner, she will do it again.
Let me give you another example:
Jack’s girlfriend Suzy became sexually distant to him. She is avoiding sex with him and this bothers Jack a lot. He is a man and he needs sex. In order to rekindle the fire, he arranges a one week vacation to the Bahamas with Suzy. He spends a week of his yearly vacation and $10000 of his money but she becomes even more distant after the vacation.
Jack rewarded her bad behavior and it’s no surprise that her bad behavior is amplified.
Richard and Nancy recently started a new relationship. Richard is happy to have a new girlfriend. He feels like he is the happiest man in the world. He is determined to show Nancy that she made the right choice by picking him. He gets her bouquets of flowers and little gifts every day. He wants to impress her by showing how much he cares about her.
Richard is rewarding his girlfriend for nothing. This behavior will bite his ass in two ways in the future. #1) Nancy will feel she doesn’t need to do anything to keep Richard happy. His needs will often go ignored. #2) Richard can’t go on buying her things forever. Soon, the novelty will wear out, he will stop doing these things and Nancy will start suspecting his commitment.
Both John and Jack should have punished their girlfriends. They did the opposite and rewarded them. Richard rewarded his girlfriend for no reason whatsoever.
Rewards should follow good behavior. You don’t reward bad behavior or no behavior.
Also, don’t try to buy her love with expensive gifts. This kind of attitude will only attract gold diggers. It may be ok to provide for her but it’s not ok to be a tool.
How to Reward Your Girlfriend
Attention is the currency of women. That’s why there’s the phrase “paying attention”.
So, the correct way to reward your girlfriend is to pay attention to her. Your undivided attention is the prize she gets for the work she puts into pleasing you.
Your attention is expensive and it shouldn’t be squandered. A prize is earned, not handed out freely. Humans don’t value what they didn’t work for. Make her work for your attention. If she receives your attention without earning it, she will rightfully take it for granted.
Attention can take various forms. The simple act of listening to her talking or the massive act of taking her to an expensive vacation are all different forms of attention and they should be measured according to the magnitude and consistency of her good behavior.
You don’t buy her a diamond ring just for painting her nails. All your rewards should initially be little. Little rewards lead her to behave consistently good. Big rewards should only be granted after her consistent good behavior.
You don’t need to overthink this. Most of the time, earning your attention will be enough of a reward for her. If she consistently demonstrates good behavior, you can amp up the rewards. If she kept you happy for a month, take her out to dinner. If she kept you happy for a year, take her on a vacation. Remember not to break the bank though. You only do these when you can afford them.
Taking her out to romantic dinners and vacations, buying her gifts, flowers etc. and complimenting her are all OK. These actions are not wrong by themselves. What’s wrong is doing them with the wrong mentality.
You don’t take her out to an expensive dinner to prove your undying love to her or to impress her. You only do it to reward her good behavior.
You don’t compliment her to win her heart. You compliment her to encourage her efforts to look good for you.
Also, remember not to go overboard with rewarding. If she is consistently acting good and being an awesome girlfriend, a reward here, a compliment there will do the job.
Examples of Good Behaviors You Should Reward
Being generally sweet and pleasant. Smiling a lot.
All girls are sweet by nature. Look at all the little girls around you. They are all sweet, adorable and cute. It’s a survival strategy honed by millions of years of evolution. Girls are born sweet.
Men have a weakness for sweetness. We adore and protect sweet girls. This improves their chances of survival. Women are physically weak by nature. They will be safer if strong men protect them.
Some girls lose this quality along the way. Society steers them wrong and they develop a bad and sour attitude when they become adults. Men don’t want unpleasant girls. We despise bad attitudes. Sweetness is a feminine quality. Remember, men are attracted to femininity.
If she is smiling a lot, being sweet and pleasant, you will be happier. It’s good behavior and should be rewarded.
Cooking for you
Women are caretakers by nature and eating well is essential for any man. Eating out won’t cut it so home-cooked meals are a must. If she cooks for you, that’s a good behavior to reward.
Cooking is also of utmost importance if you are planning to marry her. A girl who can’t cook is worthless for raising kids. You don’t want your kids to eat bad food and you need your woman to keep an eye on the family budget.
Eating out is unhealthy and expensive. She has to cook. Don’t marry a girl who refuses to cook. Always reward a girl if she cooks for you or your family.
Cleaning for you
If she cleans your place, this is good behavior and should be rewarded. Needless to say, this is a required quality of a good wife.
Giving you blowjobs
Receiving a blowjob from a girl is a great pleasure. It’s also an act of submissiveness on her part.
Reward her whenever she sucks your dick. Avoid girls who refuse to offer blowjobs.
Keeping herself in good shape
Fat is unattractive. If she watches her diet and stays in great shape, this is a good behavior to reward.
Maintaining long hair, polished nails, clean teeth, shaven pussy
All acts of maintaining an attractive appearance and proper personal hygiene should be rewarded.
Your woman represents a huge portion of your reputation so she has to dress well.
Her clothes should be clean and ironed. Her shoes should be clean and polished.
Baggy pants, wrinkled shirts, and dirty shoes are all deal-breakers. Dressing slutty is also unacceptable.
You should encourage and reward her efforts to dress well and appropriate.
How to Punish Your Girlfriend
Ideally, it’s best if your girlfriend never demonstrates bad behavior and you never have to punish her.
Later in the article, we will discuss how to minimize her punishable behaviors and have a well-mannered girlfriend who behaves — so that you don’t need to punish her.
For now, let’s look at the behaviors that warrant a punishment.
Letting her get away with bad behavior will cause her to lose respect for you. Her losing respect for you will cause the relationship to deteriorate. If she loses enough respect than she will dump you.
Like you reward her for good behavior, you have to punish her for bad behavior. Unlike rewards, punishments should be immediate and swift.
Most of the time, punishing her means withdrawing your attention from her. The highest form of attention withdrawal is dumping her.
You should never punish her physically. Don’t punch, beat or batter her.
The severity of your punishments should be adjusted according to the severity of her bad behavior.
You don’t dump her for just being moody. Also, you don’t just stop talking to her for a day if she cheats on you (in which case you should dump her).
For most cases, ignoring her, glaring at her, or breaking contact with her for a few days will be enough for punishment.
You should never hesitate to punish her. Don’t be scared to lose her. A willingness to walk away from a bad relationship will greatly strengthen your hand.
Ironically, the more you are scared to lose her, the greater the odds that she will dump you.
Examples of Bad Behaviors You Should Punish
Bringing drama to your life
Girls love drama. That’s why there are soap operas running for years.
Drama has no place in a man’s life. If she’s inventing drama, calmly tell her that you don’t tolerate drama and take away your attention from her. She will get the message.
Girls will often be late for their appointments with you. You can’t entirely eliminate this but you can minimize it by directing your attention to anything other than her whenever she is late.
Call her out when you catch her telling you a lie. Most of her lies will be small ones but don’t let her get away with them. Bigger lies warrant bigger punishments.
Sulking, acting moody
This is the opposite of smiling, being generally pleasant and sweet.
If she is sulking or acting moody for no apparent reason then ignore her. If she insists on doing it, cut off contact for a few days. Now, I’m not saying that girls can never be sad. Far from that. What I’m saying is that a girl may use moodiness to extract attention from her man.
A weak man will not be able to handle the tension the moodiness of his girlfriend creates. He will shower her with attention hoping that things will go back to normal again. While this strategy may work in the short run, it will bite him in the ass in the long run. What he doesn’t realize at the moment is that he’s teaching his girlfriend that her moodiness earns her attention. If you reward her for sulking or acting moody then she will repeatedly do it in the future.
Throwing a tantrum
Throwing a tantrum is what kids do and it’s unacceptable behavior when it comes from a grown-up.
You shouldn’t be involved with a girl who has the potential to do this. If you made that mistake, watch out. Depending on the severity of the tantrum, you may even choose to dump her.
Interrupting your work
Your work is how you feed yourself and your loved ones. It should be your #1 priority. Unless there’s an emergency related to her health, she can’t interrupt your work.
You simply tell her not to interrupt your work when she does it for the first time. If she insists on doing this, you gradually increase the severity of your punishment. If she still insists, dump her. No girl in the world is more important than your business.
This one is tricky. If she is a virgin and she wants to keep her virginity until marriage, it’s good behavior.
But if she is not a virgin and avoiding sex with you for no apparent reason, you should dump her.
Gaining a few pounds will not be so much of a problem but you have to be careful. If you notice that she gained a few pounds, issue a warning. It can quickly get out of control and she may balloon up in no time.
Getting grossly fat is unacceptable and should result in you dumping her.
Cutting her hair short
Short hair is masculine and remember, men are attracted to femininity.
Short-haired girls are damaged and you should never date them.
If she had long hair when you started dating her and then at a point, she decided to cut her hair short, dump her immediately. Nothing good can come out of a short-haired girl. Dodge the bullet or perish.
Flirting with other men
When a girl loves and respects you, she will not flirt with other men. Flirting with other men is unacceptable behavior and you should dump her if you catch her doing it.
Cheating requires immediate dumping with no questions asked.
Disrespecting you in front of other people or disrespecting your family
If she is doing any of these, you already lost control of the relationship. The relationship will not be salvageable from this point on. Dump her ass for saving the last bit of self-respect remained with you. Then, dwell on the past mistakes that brought you to this point.
How To Minimize Her Punishable Behaviors So That You Don’t Need To Punish Her
Punishments are unpleasant not only for her but for you as well.
Relationships are meant to be enjoyed (both by you and your girlfriend) so the less you need to punish her, the better your relationship and your overall well-being will be.
Minimizing her punishable behaviors will also help you avoid dumping her or getting dumped by her. As we’ve seen in the previous sections, some of her bad behaviors warrant a break-up. Also, your failure to punish her for bad behavior will cause her to lose respect for you and eventually dump you.
Punishing her for bad behavior should reduce her punishable behaviors but here are some additional strategies for having a well-behaved girlfriend (or wife) so that you don’t need to punish her:
1. Improve your value as a man
Most of her punishable behaviors arise from her testing your boundaries and your mettle as a man. When a woman does this in a relationship, she does it to make sure that she didn’t pick a low-value loser (or husband for that matter).
Women DON’T respect low-value men. The higher your value as a man, the less she will test you.
A man can always improve his value regardless of his age, genetics or current status. The value markers for a man are his mental and physical strength, financial adequacy, confidence and a bunch of other skills that depend on how he utilizes his masculine strengths to reach his potential.
Getting into the full details of how to improve your value as a man is beyond the scope of this article. But the good news is that I’ve already written an entire book on the subject that covers everything that makes a man a better man including an intensive improvement program that every man can follow. Feel free to check it out.
(I have to warn you though, following the program requires action on your part. Men who never take action aren’t allowed in the program.)
2. Choose the right girlfriend
This is easier said than done because if you’re reading this article you probably already chose her but should you decide to dump her and find a new girlfriend, my tips on choosing the right girlfriend might save you a lot of future punishments. Some girls are beyond rescue and you should be screening them before you let them into your life.
This guide should maximize both your and her happiness in the relationship.
Even if you choose a good, submissive girl, you still need to guide her for getting the best behavior out of her.
The best girl in the world can evolve into a complete bitch if you fail to properly guide her actions.
You should steer her to good behaviors with a powerful reward-punishment mechanism.
Don’t worry if you are young or inexperienced. These things are not hard to do. When you consistently apply them in your relationships, they will be your automatic behaviors within a short period of time.
Girls greatly enjoy a strong, dominant, masculine man.
Ignore these principles and you will both be unhappy.
Apply these principles and you both will be content with the relationship, so everybody wins.
Be sure to read:
- How to Stop Being Needy
- Be a Better Man in 30 Days Program, Chapter 1: What Makes a Man a Better Man (The section on relationships)
- How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection
- 21 Ways to Stop Being an Effeminate Modern Man and Be More Masculine
- How to Get Over a Girl
- “I Can’t Stop Thinking About Her”: How to Cure Oneitis and Move On