When I first started this website, I was publishing articles about how to get six-pack abs with pictures of myself as proof. One day I noticed that my articles were being shared on social media and I went on to read what people were talking about them.
Then I saw a comment on one of my pictures which said “This is the ugliest man with six-pack abs I’ve ever seen.” Ouch.
I was shocked at the time but this comment actually makes sense because people aren’t used to seeing regular men with six-packs abs as it’s usually male models with six-pack abs who are shown in fitness ads. Well, I’ve never claimed to be a fitness model yet the commenter’s point stands. While I don’t agree that I’m ugly, I don’t claim to have the best genetics either. I have an average-looking face and my height is literally average (5’9).
However, I’ve been doing well with women despite my average genetics. I don’t claim to be a dating guru or a pick-up expert but I’ve been doing better with women than all of the men I personally know thanks to some of following the strategies I’ll talk about throughout this article. I’ll also talk about other strategies that I haven’t had the chance to follow but I’ve witnessed to be working for other men.
You don’t need to follow all of the strategies mentioned in this article to do well with women but the more of them you follow the better you’ll do.
How To Tell If You Are Good-Looking Or Not
It’s very hard to objectively evaluate yourself. Lots of men either underrate or overrate their looks.
On the one hand, there are ugly or average men who believe they are good-looking. This conviction would serve these men well if it improved their confidence but usually, it doesn’t happen that way. Most of these men don’t actually go out and meet women since they are reluctant to risk losing their delusional favorable self-image lest they discover otherwise. This is understandable because humans are driven more by the fear of loss than by the desire to win so it’s not uncommon for these men to quietly sentence themselves to celibacy by convincing themselves that they can get the kind of woman they want but they just don’t want to do it “right now.”
On the other hand, there are some good-looking men who are convinced that they’re not good-looking, usually after facing a few rejections. Convinced of their “physical unattractiveness”, these men end up going for the low-hanging fruit; dating and settling for unattractive women way below their league. I’ve seen this happen so many times that it stopped being interesting.
Both believing you’re good-looking when you’re not and believing you’re ugly when you’re good-looking are perilous. As always, the truth is your best friend so it’s in your best interests to know the objective truth about whether you’re actually good-looking or not. To do this, you have no other choice than to rely on real-life feedback no matter how unflattering it potentially is.
Who knows, maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find out that you’re better looking than you thought. If this is the case then you’re golden. If not, not all is lost. Far from that. There are a variety of ways to improve your attractiveness to women which is the purpose of this article.
Here’s an easy test. If women never approach you then you’re not good-looking. Most men aren’t approached by women which makes sense because good-looking men are a minority just like beautiful women are a minority too.
If women occasionally approach you then you’re good-looking. It doesn’t even matter if the women who approach you are ugly (beautiful women don’t approach men anyway.) Everybody hates to be rejected but for biological reasons, women hate rejection a lot more than men do. If women approach you, it means that you’re so irresistibly good-looking that women can’t help themselves but risk a great blow to their self-image just to have a shot at being with you.
I once briefly talked to a dude in the smoking room of a nightclub who said he’s a model. He sure looked the part and I’ve seen 2 girls approach him during the 5 short minutes we’ve spent talking. He dismissed them like it’s nothing. Most men would leap at the opportunity to bang those girls who weren’t bad-looking but extremely good-looking men live in a different reality which is not the case for the overwhelming majority of men but that’s fine.
If you haven’t paid attention to whether women would approach you solely based on your looks or not, you can easily do this test by yourself. Go out and visit the places where women congregate and see if any of them approach you. Don’t cheat though, by wearing an expensive watch or donning expensive clothing that will attract gold-diggers.
Another way to find out if you’re good-looking or not is to set up an online dating profile consisting of your regular pictures and start sending messages to women. Don’t cheat by displaying wealth or your other attractive qualities. If you’re getting matches solely based on your looks then you’re good-looking. If not, then you’re not good-looking.
Online dating profiles are also a good way to test your physical attractiveness in different locations. Believe it or not, physical attractiveness can be location-specific. Women of one country might not find you good-looking but women of another country might think you’re God’s gift to the green earth. Standards of physical attractiveness differ from culture to culture (up to a point) so, who knows, you might end up deciding to move to a place where women have a more favorable opinion of your physical appearance.
It’s no surprise that I’ve always hated online dating sites and I’ve been ignoring them as I know I get significantly better results from real-life interactions. I’m sure I’d hate online dating less if I was a 9 or a 10 out 10 based on looks but that’s unfortunately not the case so I’ll always stick to meeting women in real life if need be.
Do these tests to find out if you’re good-looking or not but since the truth is always your best friend, don’t be afraid to find out that you’re not good-looking. Sure it’s a bummer but you’ve got to play the hand you’ve been dealt. Most men aren’t 9s or 10s anyway. These men are a minority and always will be.
Luckily your overall level of attractiveness doesn’t completely rely on your genetics. If you follow as many of the strategies outlined below as you can, you’ll not only improve your physical attractiveness, but you’ll also improve your other qualities which add up to your overall attractiveness and expand the pool of women you can attract.
While you won’t be a 10 if you’re currently a 4 (unless you become famous), you can be a 7 or even an 8 in overall attractiveness which will put you above most men in the dating market.
The Differences Between What Attracts Men And What Attracts Women
Attractive traits to the opposite sex vary among men and women although some of them overlap. Basically, men are attracted to femininity, and women are attracted to masculinity.
Good looks play their part for both sexes to attract the opposite sex but a woman’s physical attractiveness carries a lot more weight over her overall level of attractiveness than a man’s, as well as her youth. A man’s looks matter but they matter less than a woman’s and unlike a woman, a man can improve his attractiveness as he ages provided that he doesn’t allow himself to age like milk.
Men who overrate the value of good looks to attract women make the mistake of projecting their own preferences to women. Since they are primarily attracted to good-looking women, they tend to assume women are also primarily attracted to good-looking men.
Men are not the only ones who project their own preferences to the opposite sex. Women do it too. Since women are attracted to men of higher status, it’s not unusual for a successful career woman to work hard to rise up the ranks in the corporate world and expect men to line up for her, which basically never happens. Men won’t be attracted to a physically unattractive and bossy woman even if she’s the CEO of a multinational company but the opposite isn’t true.
Since a woman’s attractiveness relies heavily on her looks, youth, and femininity; a physically unattractive woman can improve her attractiveness to men by improving her physical appearance as much as she can while working on her feminine traits, the most significant of which is to become sweeter. In fact, sweetness plays such a huge role in a woman’s attractiveness that if a woman is not physically attractive but she’s sweet, she’ll find a lot of men lining up for her. Also, time is crueler to women than it is to men, which means women are better off not wasting their younger years over relationships that go nowhere.
Unlike a woman’s, a man’s attractiveness relies more on his status than his good looks so a man who’s not endowed with good physical genetics has a wider array of ways to improve his overall attractiveness. His inherent masculine qualities are not only excellent tools to improve his status, hence his attractiveness, but masculinity by itself is also a massive factor of attraction as well.
Another significant difference between men and women in the dating scene that confuses and frustrates a lot of men is that an average woman has and will always have more options than an average man. Put another way, while an average woman is a winner in the dating market, the average man is a loser. This is the reason why many men complain that women have it easier when it comes to dating, which is true.
If a physically unattractive woman can improve her appearance enough to be a 5 out of 10 and she adopts a feminine and sweet demeanor, she’s golden. She’ll have lots of suitors especially if she’s young.
Unfortunately, the same is not true for men. An average man struggles in the dating market because women are biologically hardwired to desire the top men.
Women view the dating scene through a distorted lens. Unsurprising to those who are familiar with human nature, a study by the US-based popular dating site OkCupid found that women rate 80% of the men on the site as below average, which is a statistical impossibility:
This makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint because mother nature wants women to reproduce with winners to ensure winner genes are transferred to newer generations, loser genes are weeded out, and the strength of the species is ensured lest our species go extinct. This is not to say that women do an excellent job of picking actual winners. They don’t. It’s just to say that this is how mother nature intended it.
Since winners are a minority and a woman’s biology is attuned to picking the winners and ignoring the losers, it’s no surprise that women regard most men as below average. If nature was allowed to run its course, only a small percentage of men who women perceive to be winners would be able to reproduce and other men would be left out in the cold regardless of whether it’s fair or not.
Nature running its course and leaving the majority of men out in the cold was temporarily avoided by state and society enforced monogamy in late societies but in our time as the state is increasingly losing its power and societal norms are loosened, women are freer to follow their natural urges and line up for the top men while ignoring a large percentage of men in the process. Hypergamy genie is out of the bottle and no one knows if it ever will go back.
The new dynamics of the dating market have their advantages and disadvantages for both sexes. When nature is allowed to run its course, it becomes harder for a woman to extract a commitment from a man who she finds desirable because the chances are that lots of other women find him desirable as well. A man with plenty of options would be less willing to commit to a particular woman, if at all.
Just a few decades ago, it was enough for the average man to hold a stable job in order to find a decent woman to marry but today the dating market is skewed towards a minority of winners while leaving the majority of men out in the cold. On the other hand, the winner males of the dating market are freer to exercise their options.
Average men of today have it harder than average men of previous generations, and the top men of today have it easier than the top men of previous generations so it’s best to adapt, strive to improve your status as much as you can (the means to which are discussed in this article) until you expand your options enough to attract the kind of women you desire since complaining will achieve nothing.
A Few Words About Fame
Before we delve into the strategies to overcome the disadvantage of a lack of good looks, I want to talk about a curious phenomenon called “fame” for it starkly reveals how differently wired men’s and women’s attraction circuits are.
Don’t worry, I won’t tell you to become famous which admittedly is a very long shot as it’s extremely rare but fame is the one area which shows in a crystal clear way how women are attracted to man’s status significantly more than his good looks.
Unlike it is to men, fame is an irresistible aphrodisiac to women. Fame is the ultimate marker of status in the eyes of women and its aphrodisiac effect over women can be observed by everyone during concerts given by famous male musicians. Everyone has seen the videos of women, especially young women, when they scream, cry, and vie for famous male musicians on the stage.
Hence, it’s common for famous musicians to have sex with thousands of women throughout their careers. I give the example of music since what women do during concerts is observable by everybody but basically, all famous men easily attract thousands upon thousands of women without even bothering to personally meet or approach any of them.
Famous male musicians, actors, TV personalities, athletes, comedians, authors, painters, politicians, etc. are aggressively pursued by hordes of women when the average guy struggles to get the attention of even one woman. Even famous felons are intensively desired by lots of women which is proof that many women don’t even care about putting their own lives in danger for a piece of a famous man.
In the eyes of men, an ugly woman is an ugly woman regardless of whether she’s famous or not. In the eyes of women, a famous but ugly man is a lot more attractive than a not famous but good-looking man, which goes to show that a man’s status is much more important than his looks in terms of his attractiveness to women.
While it’s true that many celebrities are also good-looking, women line up for famous men no matter how ugly these men are. For example, Gene Simmons is butt ugly yet he had sex with thousands of women. Mick Hucknall of Simply Red fame slept with 3,000 women. Examples can be extended indefinitely but you get the point.
Famous men are 11 out of 10 on the attractiveness scale regardless of how they look thanks to their massive status.
You don’t necessarily need to be famous in order to be attractive to women but as it’s clearly seen in the case of fame, you can significantly improve your attractiveness to women by elevating your status as much as you can even if you didn’t win the genetic lottery.
What NOT To Do If You Are Not Good-Looking
Before we talk about what to do if you are not good looking, it pays to first talk about what not to do because most men do what they shouldn’t do at all before they can get into doing what they need to do in order to overcome their disadvantage of a lack of good looks.
1. Do NOT Be Sorry For Yourself
The most detrimental mistake that a man can make if he’s not good-looking is to feel sorry for himself.
Great generals know that an army can’t be victorious if soldiers lack morale. Similarly, feeling sorry for yourself will rob you of the required morale to combat against whatever shortcomings you have, including a lack of good looks.
Moreover, humans are hardwired to avoid unhappy people. Even other men don’t want to be around a sad, self-pitying man, let alone women.
Also, it’s not uncommon for men who feel sorry for themselves for not winning the genetic lottery to cling to the hope that some special girl will come along and discover his other qualities that everyone else fails to see. Some of these men hopelessly play the pity angle, expecting to be thrown a bone by compassionate women. As we’ve already talked about, women are attracted to masculinity. Masculine men are expected to be go-getters which is the opposite of a self-pitying, miserable man who expects to be thrown a bone.
Mother nature endowed all men with strong sexual desires regardless of how physically unattractive they are. Men need sex. They also need female companionship, a type of intimacy that cannot be fulfilled by friends and family.
However, no one cares whether a man gets laid or not. Even your mother and father don’t lose sleep worrying if their son gets his sexual needs met. Other people not only don’t care about your barren sex life, but they also don’t even want you to get laid. Many of them will gleefully cockblock you to ensure you’ll not get any action.
So it’s entirely up to you to get your sexual needs met. No one else in the world wants you to get laid but yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself is akin to shooting yourself in the foot because it deprives you of the morale you need in order to overcome the challenges you face, and no one will help you, and most people don’t want you to get laid, and no sane woman would want to sleep with a self-pitying man.
If you keep feeling sorry for yourself, your only hope will be that your parents, relatives, or friends will set you up with a girl which is increasingly becoming a fainter possibility. Arranged marriages used to be common in the recent past but not any longer.
You have no other choice than to stop feeling sorry for yourself, take matters into your own hands, overcome whichever shortcomings you have, and get your needs met.
2. Do NOT Delude Yourself Into Thinking Looks Don’t Matter
We’ve already established that how a man looks is not the only thing that matters in his attractiveness to women but that doesn’t mean looks don’t matter at all. They do.
All humans are hardwired to be attracted to good-looking members of the opposite sex because we subconsciously equate good looks to good genetics. Good genetics are favored by mother nature to maintain the genetic strength of our species and no amount of mental gymnastics will change that.
The danger with deluding yourself into believing looks don’t matter is that you’ll miss out on the massive improvements you can make to your physical appearance which makes it needlessly harder to attract the kind of women you want.
No matter your genetics, you can massively improve your looks. We’ll discuss later in the article how you can improve your appearance but you first have to come to terms with the fact that looks do matter and improving your appearance will take work.
Do not resent the work you’ll do because even good-looking men aren’t guaranteed to be saved by their good looks anyway. Many good-looking men secretly suffer from a complete lack of women in their lives and many others settle for unattractive women way below their league. If good-looking men still need to work on their other qualities in order to attract the kind of women they want, ugly men stand no chance if they aren’t willing to put in the work including working on their physical attractiveness.
Granted, you need to work harder than naturally good-looking men but the character that hard work builds will serve you for life. A man’s character is more important than his good looks and good-looking men can’t coast forever over their appearance either. Sooner or later their looks will fade and they’ll have to rely on other qualities that they hopefully haven’t neglected.
3. Do NOT “Just Be Yourself”
The most attractive life advice has always been “just be yourself” because it demands the recipient of the advice to do nothing at all, which is easy (at least on the surface). It appeals to the natural human tendency to follow the path of least resistance but as much as it’s appealing, it doesn’t work.
The biggest problem with the vague advice of “be yourself” is that it falsely assumes that the self is static. You can never know who you actually are and what you’re made of unless you demand the best out of yourself. Your dormant, innate strengths won’t come out unless they’re called upon by taking action and putting yourself in situations where those strengths are required.
In free societies, humans deal with each other on a value exchange basis. What matters in all exchanges between humans, including relationships, is what you bring to the table. Instead of expecting others to love you for who you are (whatever that is), you must work on being your best self and bring as much value to the table as you can so that you can expect to receive value in return. Only your mother can unconditionally love you for who you are and even she will complain if you’re lazy and do nothing to get ahead in life.
Attractive, high-quality women are valuable. High-value women don’t date low-value men. The more you work on yourself, the more value you’ll bring to the table. The more value you bring to the table, the more value you can demand others to bring to the table. You can’t expect to attract a high-value woman without being or building yourself up to be a high-value man.
Don’t be yourself but be your best self. Don’t be surprised if you find out that the real you has nothing to do with what you believed “yourself” to be when you were young and inexperienced.
4. Do NOT Resent Women For Not Being Attracted To You
Attraction is not a choice. We can’t decide to be attracted to a particular person. It’s instinctive and there’s not much any of us can do about it.
Renowned philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer famously said, “a man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants.” (He means “human” when he says “man”.)
We can’t convince or force ourselves to be attracted to unattractive people. Even unattractive people desire attractive members of the opposite sex. Ugly, obese, unkempt men don’t masturbate to porn movies of ugly, obese, unkempt women. They masturbate to porn movies of the hottest pornstars. I should know because when I was fat and before I stopped watching porn, I was doing the same.
Just like you wouldn’t be attracted to a woman who you don’t instinctively find attractive, women won’t be attracted to men who they don’t instinctively find attractive.
The biggest problem that bothers a lot of men is that women’s attraction threshold is a lot higher than men’s. As we’ve already talked about, women demand higher standards from men to the point that they view 80% of men as below average and as a result, lots of men complain that women have it easier in the dating department but that’s just how mother nature wired the female mind. The game is rigged but it’s mother nature herself who rigged it. This is not a bug but a feature to ensure the propagation of the winner genes, although it doesn’t always work flawlessly.
As the saying goes, “don’t hate the player, hate the game.” Women aren’t responsible for how evolution wired them so there’s no point in getting mad at them for their skewed view of the dating market. Granted, some women’s view of the dating market is irredeemably distorted (much further than how nature intended) but we’ll discuss the strategies to deal with this later in the article.
Both being a man and a woman have their advantages and disadvantages, all of which even out in the grand scheme of things. Some of life’s games are rigged against men, some others are rigged against women. This is how nature has set the game up and none of us can change it.
Instead of resenting women for their nature, a better strategy is to tap into your masculine strengths to become a high-value man who women desire.
-But Lane, aren’t I supposed to stop caring what others think of me?
Not caring about what others think of you is about social independence not about nihilistically being a recluse and cutting yourself off from worldly things. You don’t become a high-value man to please women at your expense. You become a high-value man to get your own needs met and live a better life.
5. Do NOT Pedestalize Women
A common mistake that many men who struggle with women make is to pedestalize women and treat them as the prize. This kind of attitude is not only unnecessary, but it’s also counter-productive.
We’re all familiar with the image of the typical chump who showers the girl with attention, buys her flowers and presents, complies with all of her demands, only to end up getting friendzoned. The dreaded friend zone is the place where men who pedestalize women end up, and for good reason.
A woman’s hypergamous nature demands her to be attracted to a man whose value is higher than her own value. When you pedestalize a woman, you immediately disqualify yourself out of the pool of men she’s potentially interested in because it means you elevate her above yourself and she’s just not wired to be attracted to a man who’s beneath her. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.
Even good-looking men can’t afford to pedestalize women, let alone not-so-good-looking men. Women can’t and don’t respect men who pedestalize them and it’s impossible for her to be attracted to a man who she doesn’t respect no matter how good-looking he is.
Pedestalizing women is so grave a mistake that you can observe the plight of Western men to see how detrimental it is to men who do it. A few decades ago, Western men foolishly decided to start pedestalizing women, and look how it worked out for them. The brainwashing that “women are the prize” has doomed their relationships with women without them even realizing what they’re doing wrong. Now, these men complain that modern women have standards so astronomical that mere mortals aren’t cut out to meet them.
Never pedestalize or idolize or worship women. Pedestalize yourself. Demand higher standards from yourself so that you can demand higher standards from others. Never make women a priority in your life. Make yourself your priority, build a life that other people want to be a part of, and women will follow. Instead of treating women as the prize, which is guaranteed to be a losing proposition, build yourself up to be the prize women clamor for.
The natural state of male-female relationships is where the man is the prize and his woman looks up to him. You’ll never have a harmonious relationship with a woman as long as you believe she’s the prize. Be the prize she wants, not the other way round.
Moreover, pedestalizing women will greatly lessen the power of the remaining strategies discussed in this article. However, refusing to idolize or pedestalize women doesn’t mean you should write them off or completely ignore them, which brings us to our next point.
6. Do NOT Write Women Off
Men who are frustrated in the dating scene find out that dealing with women brings them nothing but, well, frustration, so many of these men write women off or are tempted to do so in order to avoid the pain.
It’s easy to see why this happens considering that it’s our nature to avoid pain and seek pleasure. If it’s painful to deal with women, you’ll be inclined to want to avoid them. If it was a pleasure to deal with women, you’d look forward to interacting with them.
Nevertheless, writing women off doesn’t lead to a fulfilling life simply because men need women just like women need men. Sex is a biological need. Female company is a psychological need. You need sex and you need female company. While it’s a mistake to make women your priority, it’s also a mistake to believe that women don’t matter. They do. There’s no substitute to what a woman can give to a man.
You don’t want to be like those bitter women who are mad at men for not paying them the attention they think they deserve and end up announcing “they don’t need men.” These bitter women are as mistaken as frustrated men who write women off. Men need women and women need men. This is how human nature operates.
Instead of writing women off, put in the effort (the elements of which are discussed in this article) until it’s a pleasure to deal with women. Women are a delight when they love and respect you and are attracted to you. They are a pain when they ignore and want to avoid you.
It’s true that there’s a subgroup of modern women whose minds are poisoned by the ideas of feminism and are incapable of loving and respecting a man. These women are beyond rescue, they are incapable of making a man happy, and you can safely write them off. However, there still are billions of other women who are capable of loving and respecting a man and making him happy. Writing women off as a group hurts you more than it hurts anyone else in the world.
It’s in your nature to seek pleasure so if you make it a pleasure to deal with women by becoming a man in demand, you’ll look forward to meeting and spending time with them.
7. Do NOT Settle For A Low-Quality Woman Or A Woman You Aren’t Attracted To
Men who struggle with women often find themselves in a conundrum. On the one hand, they want to avoid women since it’s a pain to deal with them. On the other hand, they are drawn to women since they need sex and female company.
The solution they come up with is often to settle for the first woman they can get no matter how unattractive or low-quality she is so that they can be done with it, get this annoyance out of the way, and move on with their lives. Worse, they might fail to get this woman and become obsessed with her.
This is the wrong mentality to have.
You are guaranteed to be worse off with a low-quality woman (combative, lazy, wasteful, entitled, and petty among other undesirable traits) or a woman you aren’t attracted to. A low-quality woman is guaranteed to turn your life into a living hell. No woman at all is better than a relationship with a woman who you wouldn’t want if you had options. If a relationship is what you are after, either find a high-quality woman you are attracted to or you’re better off staying single until you build yourself up to become a man with options.
—How do I know I’m settling?
If you are considering a relationship with a woman, ask yourself this: “Do I really have other options?” If she’s your only viable option, then you are probably settling.
Last but not least, don’t go looking for a relationship when you’re horny. Looking for a relationship when you’re horny is like grocery shopping when you’re hungry. Chances are that you’ll end up with junk that you wouldn’t normally want.
8. Do NOT Wait
Men who struggle with women are often duped into following the common but bad advice of “wait and the right person will find you when the time is right.”
People love this kind of advice because it absolves them of the responsibility of taking action to solve their problems. After all, it’s easier to shift the responsibility to other people. Except it doesn’t work.
Other people are neither responsible for nor interested in solving your problems and they’ve also got problems of their own. In fact, it’s cruel to tell someone who’s struggling to just “wait” because it implicitly suggests that the person is powerless to do anything about his plight which is far from reality.
“The right person” (whoever that is) won’t find you if just wait idly, doing nothing. Life rewards action and punishes inaction. The chances are that you’ll sentence yourself to involuntary celibacy and you’ll probably fall head over heels in love with the first woman who happens to pay attention to you (which is known as oneitis, and ruins the lives of millions of men.)
While you need sex and intimacy, you aren’t entitled to them. Hoping to stumble upon “the right person” is not a strategy. If you have a problem, it’s your responsibility to solve it, which is not accomplished by waiting. Worse, problems have lives of their own. The longer you delay solving them the bigger they will grow. You must take action, which brings us to our next section.
What To Do If You Are Not Good-Looking
Not being good-looking or being downright ugly aren’t insurmountable impediments many men think of them to be. Men have a vast variety of options to improve their attractiveness to women which we’ll discuss in detail throughout this section.
As a general rule, the higher your status and value, the more attractive to women you’ll be. In other words, the more value you bring to the table, the more value you can expect to receive.
There are many markers of status for men which include physical appearance but not only you can improve your physical appearance even if you didn’t win the genetic lottery, but you can also improve your other status markers regardless of your physical genetic attributes.
While all of the following strategies will improve your status (hence, your attractiveness to women), you don’t need to follow all of them to do well with women. Yet, the more of them you follow, the higher will be your status so the more attractive to women you’ll be.
1. The Value Of Confidence
Believe it or not, an ugly but confident man is more attractive to women than a good-looking but insecure man.
While you’ll be likelier to be confident if you’re naturally good-looking, winning the genetic lottery doesn’t automatically guarantee confidence which is evidenced by millions of good-looking but insecure men who struggle with women.
Likewise, not being naturally good-looking isn’t an insurmountable impediment to being confident which also is evidenced by millions of ugly but confident men whom women swoon for.
But what kind of confidence is attractive to women?
Confidence is field-specific. For example, a competent engineer might be confident in his professional capabilities but he might be timid around women. While his engineer status potentially makes him more attractive to women, timidity signals a lack of confidence in his desirability, so this man will struggle with attracting women.
The kind of confidence that works in attracting women is that of a man who’s confident of his ability to attract the type of woman he wants. This man knows he has options, is certain of his attractiveness, is socially skilled, isn’t afraid to be assertive, respects his own needs and desires and takes responsibility for them, and makes no apologies for asking for his needs to be met.
A typical sign that a man lacks confidence is that he pretends to be a friend to a woman he’s attracted to and waits for the “right moment” to open up to her. The bad news for this man is that women’s senses are attuned to detect confidence or a lack thereof. Since a lack of confidence is a massive turn-off to women, he’ll probably get friendzoned when he finally musters the courage to open up to her, not knowing what he did wrong.
Natural confidence is rare. If you lack it, it just won’t fall out of the sky but it can be cultivated.
The first rule of confidence is to not be ashamed of your nature. You want and need women and that’s fine. If you don’t own up to your needs and desires, no one else will.
Contrary to the popular belief, women don’t punish men for showing romantic or sexual interest. Women aren’t stupid. They know that men want to fuck them. Assertiveness is attractive. Don’t be afraid to show romantic or sexual interest. If she doesn’t want you she always has the choice to reject you, which isn’t a big deal.
Most men preemptively reject themselves before women reject them, which stems from a lack of confidence. Women might still reject a confident man for various reasons but they won’t punish him for his confidence and honesty. They won’t hold it against you that you honestly asked for what you wanted.
However, men who lack confidence and pretend to be friends until they deem it safe to open up to the woman of their interest are punished swiftly by cruel rejections or by being sentenced to the dreaded friendzone. Contrary to the popular belief, women don’t like dishonest men, probably because they know dishonesty stems from a lack of confidence.
Confidence is universally attractive to women. The more confident you are, the better you’ll do with women no matter where you are. The cultivation of confidence begins in your mind. Own up to your needs and desires. Don’t be ashamed of them. Traits that signal confidence are attractive. Assertiveness is attractive. Courage is attractive. Being bold enough to risk rejection is attractive. Being willing to lead is attractive. Boundaries are attractive.
Mental preparedness reinforced with relevant action is how you cultivate confidence. All of the following strategies will massively contribute to your confidence so read on.
2. Be Fit
There’s no question that physically fit people are more attractive than those who are physically unfit so it’s a no-brainer to become fitter so that you become more attractive.
There are many levels of physical fitness so let’s go over them one by one.
First and foremost, don’t be fat. The number of upsides to being fat is exactly zero. Since the mainstream media is hellbent on destroying people, they’ve been long trying to convince the population that fat is healthy and beautiful which is blatantly false. The mainstream media is the enemy of people, especially the enemy of men, and as a general rule, don’t take life advice from your enemies.
Fat isn’t attractive, never was, and never will be. Even a man with the best physical genetics will automatically be considered ugly if he lets himself become obese. Considering that women’s physical standards are higher than men’s by a large margin, even a male 10 would relegate himself to a 2 or a 3 if he allowed himself to balloon up to 300 pounds. If being fat destroys even the man who won the genetic lottery, the remaining majority of men have no business being fat.
No matter how hard the mainstream media tries to convince you that fat is beautiful or a dad bod is more attractive than a lean and muscular body with six-pack abs, women’s attraction circuits are millions of years old and no amount of propaganda will be enough for them to be attracted to men with out-of-shape bodies. A woman can be attracted to a high-status man despite his out-of-shape body but she’ll never be attracted to him because of his out-of-shape body.
If you’re overweight, not only you’ll have a more attractive body if you lose weight but you’ll also have a more attractive face. Here are some examples of people who massively improved their facial attractiveness by losing fat.
Not being fat is the required minimum but don’t stop there. Muscular men are massively more attractive to women than men who are not. Considering that you can build a noticeably muscular body by training ∼3 hours a week and 2 years of strength training can set you for life, you have no excuse to not build a muscular body and reap all its awesome benefits including your boosted attractiveness to women. You already need to work out regularly in order to function optimally so you have nothing to lose by choosing strength training as your primary type of workout.
There are zero downsides to building a muscular body. The only conceivable downside is the effort you put into it but that’s not a real downside as it builds character and shows you the value of discipline. The character and the discipline that you build along with a great body will serve you for a lifetime in all other areas of your life as they’re prerequisites to success. On the other hand, the upsides to building a lean and muscular body are unlimited, including massively improving your attractiveness to women.
I’ve been fat and I’ve been lean and noticeably muscular so I know how favorably the attitudes of women changed when I changed my body. After I got noticeably muscular, I’ve even had women approach me, which basically never happened before in my entire life.
Having a great body will also do wonders for your self-confidence and self-respect. A great body announces to the world that you’re a disciplined, self-respecting person worthy of respect, which in turn improves all of your relationships with other people including your relationships with women as people are only capable of respecting a self-respecting person and your relationships work out best when the other person respects you. Tapping into this boundless source of power is within reach for anybody who’s willing to put in the work.
Last but not least, if you’re lean and muscular, you’ll look like a million bucks with pretty much anything you wear. While a 300-pound man will still look terrible even with a high-end suit, a lean and muscular man will look great in a $5 shirt, which brings us to our next point.
3. Take Good Care Of Your Appearance
The easiest and quickest way to look better is to dress better. It only takes a decision to do so. Unless you’re terribly out of shape, you’ll look better if you dress better. If you’re lean and muscular, and you dress well on top of that then you’re golden.
A man who dresses well not only looks better but also commands respect which adds to his attractiveness to women. Dressing well, clean, and neat is yet another way to tell the world that you’re a self-respecting, confident man who’s worthy of respect.
Respect is a common theme that I keep bringing up in this article because while men can be attracted to women who they don’t respect (even if it’s only a sexual attraction), women are incapable of being attracted to men who they don’t respect. Any trait that commands respect will add to your overall level of attractiveness.
Similarly, any trait that invokes disrespect will subtract from your overall level of attractiveness. Dressing sloppily invokes disrespect so it should be avoided. Dressing well commands respect so it should be pursued. Salespeople dress well because it works. Simple as that.
Skincare and hairstyle are other important aspects of your appearance.
Working out regularly and being lean and muscular will do wonders for your skin as your skin usually reflects your bodily health but if you have other skin-related problems, do your best to mitigate them as much as you can.
Feel free to try different hairstyles until you find one that suits you the most. If you’re balding, hair transplant technology is advanced enough to give you a natural-looking head of hair. If a hair transplant is out of the question, consider shaving your head. There are many great-looking men who shave their heads.
4. Improve Your Social Skills
Men tend to underrate the value of social skills in attraction because a man typically couldn’t care less about a woman’s social skills before he’s attracted to her. This is a classic case of projection.
Possessing great social skills not only makes it easier to meet women but also significantly boosts your attractiveness to women because women care a great deal about a man’s social status. Men with better social skills are likelier to get ahead in life, attain a higher social status, and command more resources so it’s no surprise that women are attracted to men who possess finer social skills.
While developing better social skills is not the only way to improve your social status, it’s not only the most direct way to do it but it’s also a great way to build connections and meet the kind of women you’re attracted to.
The biggest obstacle to developing better social skills is your beliefs. If you’re shy, or socially awkward, or introverted, you’ll be inclined to regard these as static personal traits that forever prevent you from getting good at socializing. This is the wrong mentality to have.
Shy, or socially awkward aren’t personal traits. If you’re shy, you’ve been probably made to believe you’re shy by the adults around you when you were a kid. Social awkwardness means nothing more than you need to improve your social skills. Introverts are capable of developing excellent social skills evidenced by the fact that there are many introverts who possess excellent social skills.
The truth is that social skills don’t come naturally to humans because our nature is evolved when we lived in small tribes where everybody already knew each other and meeting new people wasn’t necessary. Considering that humans lived in tribes for 99% of the time they inhabited the world, it’s easy to see why humans aren’t born with social skills. We simply didn’t need them for the majority of our time on earth but we no longer live in tribes and modern living rewards social skills which should be cultivated from scratch.
Nobody is inherently shy or socially or emotionally intelligent. Emotional intelligence is a made-up term. It doesn’t even exist. What’s considered social intelligence is good social skills which anyone who’s willing to do the work can cultivate by practice and repetition, just like any other skill.
There’s no such thing as “social anxiety disorder” either. Social interactions can potentially have significant consequences, either positive or negative, so it’s normal and expected to feel some level of anxiety in social situations (unless you’re a sociopath that is), especially if you meet new people as our tribal genetic makeup isn’t cut out for meeting new people.
Social anxiety subsides as you keep socializing despite your anxiety and develop better social skills as a result, but it never completely disappears. Even the most socially skilled people feel some level of social anxiety. For example, ask the finest womanizer and he’ll tell you that approach anxiety never truly disappears. It’s the same with social anxiety. Social anxiety isn’t an excuse to avoid socializing. Your social anxiety will become manageable as you keep meeting new people and improving your social skills. If your social skills suck, it’s not because you’re shy, or you’re socially anxious or awkward, or you lack emotional or social intelligence. You just need practice and determination.
The most terrifying type of social anxiety for men is typically to approach women they’re attracted to, i.e. approach anxiety. Most men live and die without approaching an attractive woman even for once in their entire lifetimes. These men usually watch from the sidelines as other men get the kind of women they want, frustratedly cursing their “luck” that it’s never them who get those hotter women. “If only I was good-looking” or “if only I was rich”, they say, but these are nothing more than excuses to avoid taking responsibility for their needs and wants.
Anyone can improve their social skills provided that they’re willing to put in the work. You don’t necessarily need to approach hot women to start improving your social skills, especially when you’re a beginner. Socializing with all kinds of people will help you develop better social skills.
Improving your social skills is not easy but it can be extremely rewarding especially if you build adequate skills to approach women you’re attracted to. Also, following other strategies mentioned in this article will improve your confidence and assist you in developing better social skills as well. People like to connect with confident people, especially women. An ability to approach women you’re attracted to immediately sets you apart from most men because most men never approach women at all as they lack the confidence and the social skills required and they don’t want to risk rejection.
Nobody likes rejection but the truth is that it’s not completely unavoidable. Women reject men for all kinds of reasons and even the most attractive men aren’t immune to it. If you fear rejection, you’re leaving massive unrealized potential on the table. Most men are so terrified of rejection that I’ve even seen many good-looking men going for the low-hanging fruit, only approaching unattractive women to minimize the risk of rejection. However, winning isn’t possible without taking risks. Not getting rejected (including by women you’re attracted to) means you aren’t taking risks.
Fear of rejection coupled with approach anxiety is also a relic of the times we lived in tribes when approaching and angering the wrong woman could lead to death or ostracization. While this fear is built into all of our psyches, it’s no longer relevant. In modern societies, you won’t die or get physically hurt by approaching a woman and getting rejected. The only risk of approaching women in our times is the potential blow to your ego in case of rejection. Even the best-looking men can be rejected by a woman so isolated cases of rejection means nothing. If you approach 100 women and get rejected by all of them then you most probably have other problems to work on but a single case of rejection means absolutely nothing.
Don’t let your approach anxiety and fear of rejection overcome you. Approaching a woman and risking rejection is masculine because men are natural risk-takers. Don’t resent that it’s always the man who must do the approaching. It’s a masculine privilege to be able to initiate something from nothing. Men are expected to make the first move for a reason. Courage and risk-taking are masculine strengths to outcompete other men who pussy out. Life rewards bold men because nature rewards strength and punishes weakness.
Taking intelligent risks where the downsides are limited and the upsides are unlimited is a reliable predictor of success. Winners are risk-takers. Embracing rejection demonstrates a willingness to take risks. Rejection is free but it provides invaluable feedback, which is an intelligent form of risk-taking. Avoiding rejection is avoiding risk. Avoiding risk is avoiding success. Instead of dreading rejection, wear each instance of rejection you face as a badge of honor for your courage to take risks.
Last but not least, sharpening your social skills is an excellent way to bond with a woman AFTER she’s attracted to you. Men think attraction gets the girl since they won’t reject a woman they’re attracted to but the same is not true for women. Typically, a woman has a biological need to feel connected to a man before she can be invested in him because she’ll be unwilling to risk nine months of pregnancy (subconsciously that is, even if she’s on the pill) over a random man she just met and knows nothing about. Good social skills will help you build the necessary bond with the kind of woman you’re interested in.
5. Make More Money
No matter how hard some people might argue otherwise, wealth is attractive to women.
From the dawn of time, even before humans populated the earth, females of all species have been hardwired to be attracted to males who command resources. This is not a matter of right or wrong. It is what it is. You might argue all day that women shouldn’t be attracted to wealth but that won’t make a dent in reality.
Granted, money isn’t the only thing that matters and it won’t by itself save an otherwise clueless man, but all other things being equal, the more money you have the easier it becomes to attract women. Rich men who get played by gold diggers or fail to attract the kind of women they want don’t get hurt by their money. They get hurt because they’ve neglected to improve other qualities that make a man a better man.
Aside from gold diggers, most women aren’t only interested in a man’s money. Here are some ways how money represents more than mere purchasing value:
- Being the kind of man who’s capable of out-competing others and accumulating resources is one masculine quality that attracts women. Women are attracted to winners and while not all rich men are winners, a man’s ability to make money is a proxy to convey his winner status,
- Richer men are likelier to develop an exciting lifestyle that women want to be a part of,
- Money enables you to afford to frequent places where women congregate. It’s no secret that women love opulence and many of the most attractive women congregate in places of opulence.
- The old saying that “money inside a man’s pocket has the power to turn into confidence inside his mind” is timeless. Money contributes to your confidence and confidence is attractive to women.
Whatever you do, don’t delude yourself that money doesn’t matter. It does. Unless you neglect your other masculine qualities, making more money will help you build a better life and make it easier for you to meet and attract the kind of women you’re attracted to.
6. Lead An Interesting Life That Women Want To Be A Part Of
If you’ve ever observed profiles of women on dating sites, you’ve probably noticed a pattern that many women put their photos of scuba diving, bungee jumping, or the cities and countries they’ve visited.
This is because they are themselves attracted to men who lead interesting lives and assume that men are attracted to the same things. While men don’t get attracted to an otherwise unattractive woman just because she leads an interesting life, this is an example of what both sexes are often guilty of in matters of attraction: they project their preferences onto the opposite sex.
If you lead an interesting life many women will want to be a part of it. Be adventurous, do exciting things, travel to interesting places, etc.
While making money will help you lead an interesting life, it’s not necessarily a prerequisite. In fact, many rich men are bores who lead boring lives. You don’t need to wait until you’re rich to carve yourself out an interesting life that you enjoy living and women want to be a part of.
7. Improve Your Intellectual Capacity
A higher intellectual capacity won’t make an otherwise unattractive woman attractive in the eyes of men but the opposite isn’t true.
Wisdom is a strong sign of status so it’s attractive to women. Contrary to the popular belief, women are attracted to brainy men.
It’s usually the stigma of socially inept nerd that leads to the belief that women are turned off by intelligent men but the stereotypical unkempt, nerdy, out-of-shape nerd is unattractive to women despite his intelligence not because of it.
Read books, learn history, study human nature, etc. Unless you neglect everything else, you’ll be more attractive to women. Moreover, you’ll not only be able to hold more interesting conversations with the women you talk to, but you’ll also be likelier to attract intelligent women.
8. If You’re Young, Be Patient
The cruel joke of nature on men is that we’re horniest when we’re younger but women are generally attracted to men who are older than them. In the majority of female-male relationships, the man is older than the woman.
If you’re young, I understand that your hormones are running high and you’re horny and you’re in a hurry. Like every other man, I’ve been through the same hell when I was a teenager so I get it. I know how hard it is to struggle with the opposite sex when every cell in your body is craving sex and intimacy. Perhaps the hardest age for a man to be in is 18 when all girls who are attracted to him are underage.
While I understand your plight, nothing will change the fact that women are attracted to men of higher status who are older than them. Unless he’s born into an affluent family of higher status, a young man starts from the bottom of the status hierarchy and he must work his way up by tremendous effort.
Men are made, women are born. I know it’s not easy but rest assured that you’ll improve your status and become more attractive to women provided that you don’t waste your younger years and you keep improving yourself. There are no shortcuts. The higher your status and the more established you are, the more attractive you’ll be to women but these things take time.
It also doesn’t help that your physically masculine features take time to fully develop. Unless you’re naturally good-looking and overdeveloped, or you borrow your status from your family, you will be operating way below your potential in the dating market when you’re young.
A man’s face, body, and brain don’t fully develop until he’s 25. Building status takes time. Men accumulate more resources, wisdom, and strength as they age, provided that they don’t waste their time over empty pursuits, the most common of which for young men of today are porn, video games, and sports betting.
If you’re young, by all means, do your best to make yourself more attractive by applying the strategies mentioned in this article and don’t refrain from going after the women you’re attracted to but be sure that you’re operating way below your potential due to your young age and if you don’t neglect self-improvement you’ll do much better later in life.
The good news is that men have a longer span of time to attract the opposite sex. While a woman’s golden years in the dating scene are usually her 20s, a man’s golden years are after he’s 25 or 30, and can be extended by a few decades if he chooses to do so by not neglecting self-improvement and self-care.
In addition to the classic strategies we’ve reviewed above, I want to talk about a few advanced strategies that will help but aren’t for everybody.
1. Develop Artistic Talent
The ability to create art is a superpower because art is capable of moving people and artists are attractive to women because women are attracted to powerful men.
There’s a reason why some musicians, painters, and other talented artists swim in pussy even if they aren’t necessarily famous. Women are enamored with artists.
While it’s probably not a good idea to get into art just to attract women as creating beautiful art that moves people is extremely tough, there’s no question that artists are attractive to women so if you already aspire to be an artist, by all means, follow your aspiration.
Artistic talent is also a well-known path to fame if you become exceptional, however, it’s admittedly a long shot. Fame is the uncontested panty-dropper, yet although it’s unlikely that you’ll become famous, artistic talents still do a lot to attract women even if you’re not famous.
2. Develop An Attractive Voice
Men who have a masculine, confident voice are more attractive to women just like women with a sweet, feminine voice are more attractive to men.
I’ve never found the time to work on my voice so I can’t give you a reliable way to develop an attractive voice but I’m sure it’s doable and you can do it if you have the time and resources to do so (especially if your voice is hurting your attractiveness), which will improve your attractiveness to women.
3. Consider Moving To Greener Pastures
While men of today have a wider array of opportunities that weren’t available to the majority of the men of previous generations, they also have a unique problem that previous generations of men didn’t have.
Dating market dynamics in countries infested by feminism, especially in Western countries, are irredeemably fractured in which many women came to develop impossibly high standards. In such countries, many undesirable women who bring nothing to the table are unwilling to settle for anything less than a tall, handsome, rich, high-status man.
Even if you manage to surmount the problems of a feminism-infested dating market and attract a physically desirable woman, the chances are that her mind will still be poisoned by the ideas of feminism, at least partially, that she will be reluctant to follow your lead and be incapable of respecting a man, which renders her unfit for a happy, harmonious, and satisfactory relationship.
The best way to counter this unique problem is to seize an opportunity that didn’t exist for your ancestors: International travel.
In feminism-infested countries, women usually date drastically up. It’s common in such countries to see decent or good-looking men pair up with ghastly women. If you look around and see a lot of such couples, it’s a good idea to consider moving out of that place. Be sure that greener pastures exist where men date women of their equal attractiveness or even places where men date up.
Countries in South East Asia, South America, and Eastern Europe are usually famous for their relatively feminine women and it’s not unusual in many countries of these regions for men to date up.
If an American man who’s a 6 can only date a ghastly 2 in the United States, he can upgrade 4 points in another country (say, Thailand) and date a 6. If he follows the strategies in this article and improves his value to be an 8 or a 9, he will have the best selection of attractive women to pick from.
Moving to another country or a city isn’t easy but it’s doable nonetheless. One thing I have to warn you about, though, is to make sure you don’t make the same mistake many Western men who visit South East Asia, South America, and Eastern Europe make. These men’s self-confidence and self-image are so blown to smithereens that they continue to massively underrate their own attractiveness even when they’re in a country where they’re deemed attractive by local women.
I haven’t been to South America but I’ve been to South East Asia and Eastern Europe and it’s not unusual at all to see a decent or good-looking Western man with a woman 3 or 4 points below his level of physical attractiveness. These men could easily go for hotter women just by believing they can do so. Yet, they only approach ugly women (if they muster the courage to do even that) believing that the hot ones are above their league and beyond their reach. Nothing could be farther from the truth but mental obstacles can and do lead to many such cases.
If you are new to this website and have the mindset of a typical man in a feminism-infested country, take your time and read all of the articles which will do wonders for your mindset. Following the strategies laid out in this article will also be of great help. Going to a better country where women are more feminine won’t do you any good if you take the same inferior emasculated mindset with you.
Be sure to read:
- How to Be a Superior Man, Chapter 1: What Makes a Man a Superior Man
- 11 Reasons Why It’s So Difficult To Get Girls (And What To Do About It)
- 21 Ways To Stop Being An Effeminate Modern Man And Be More Masculine
- What Does It Mean To Be A Man?
- Do You Really Take Responsibility For Your Life?