This article is an excerpt from my book, How To Be A Superior Man
Wikipedia defines “women and children first” as a code of conduct whereby the lives of women and children were to be saved first in a life-threatening situation.1
“Women and children first” can be rephrased as “men last”; that men are expected to sacrifice their own lives for saving the lives of women and children. Imagine the outrage if you’ve said “men first” or “women and children last,” but no one bats an eye when you say “women and children first”. Why so?
The answer is biology. It’s biologically possible for a man to father hundreds, if not thousands of children, whereas a woman can give birth to around 15-30 children at most in a lifetime.2
This simple biological disparity has profound consequences for how human societies organize themselves. Since humans instinctively value survival and reproduction above everything else, all human societies have a biological tendency to gravitate to prioritizing women and children over men, and modern society is no different. This, basically, is the reason why human societies generally treat the average man as expendable while women and children are protected.
Hence, on the individual level, the average woman in any given society is expected to be better off than the average man, notwithstanding the specific circumstances in societies where biological concerns are overridden by other factors. This is true in almost all modern societies, i.e. the average modern woman is better off than the average modern man. If this sounds harsh and unfair, you might perhaps take comfort in the fact that the rewards and burdens among genders even out in total. It’s the distribution that differs. Whereas life’s rewards tend to be more evenly distributed among the female population, they are unevenly distributed among the male population where the top men get almost all of the rewards and the rest of the men settle for scraps. While the average woman is better off than the average man, the top man is better off than the top woman, which is another reason to catapult yourself to the top.
Biological constraints dictate that men aren’t inherently as valuable as women, and the attitude towards genders in almost all modern societies reflects this reality. Unlike a woman, a man is more of raw material rather than a finished product. He has the masculine qualities to build himself up to be a great man but it’s entirely up to him to either utilize these qualities and become indispensable or squander them and render himself expendable.
The truism that “men are made, women are born” derives its veracity from human biology and it will never change. It’s better to adapt yourself to reality and put in the work to become a great man than to complain about how unfair life is for the average man because no amount of progress will change this fundamental fact of human nature. In fact, “progress” made things worse for the average man in modern societies because of the anti-male climate that permeated modern society since the 1960s. The average modern man who is raised in this anti-male climate is conditioned to believe that his needs don’t matter, which is reflected in the suffering of the mass of men whose needs go neglected. Unless you take matters into your own hands, things won’t magically sort themselves out. Since no one cares about a man, it’s up to you to build yourself up to be a man of value so that you ensure your needs get met.
Don’t Be Yourself, Be Your Best Self
“Be yourself” remains the most popular “self-help” advice because being yourself is as easy as doing nothing and hoping that your problems will magically sort themselves out just as long as you merely keep being yourself. If this was true, masses of men wouldn’t be leading lives of desperation but they do.
Mother nature equips every man with the masculine qualities he needs to build a great man out of himself but she leaves it up to the man himself to make use of those qualities and win in life. A chef might have the best ingredients in the world but he won’t cook a delicious meal unless he puts in the work and skillfully makes use of those ingredients. Similarly, your masculine qualities are the ingredients and you are the chef that has to put those ingredients into work. No one else will do it for you, nor does anyone care.
Don’t be yourself but be your best self. A man is born a zero and it’s up to him to build himself up to be a hero. Unless he takes his destiny into his own hands, he becomes nothing more than a statistic. If he doesn’t help himself, no one else will. Others will watch in glee while he’s relegated to the bottom of the social hierarchy, and mother nature won’t care a bit if his genes are unapologetically weeded out.
You must buckle down, do the work, and persist until you succeed. Seeking support, validation, or approval is futile because in all likelihood you won’t be granted any. Luckily, you neither need anyone’s support, validation, or approval nor do you need anyone’s permission. You already have all the ingredients it takes to succeed. All you need is your own volition to make use of them.
Leave The Excuses Behind
Yes, the game of life is rigged against the average man, and yes, you have to exert effort to carve out your place in this brutally competitive world. The sooner you come to terms with this reality, the sooner you’ll start to take full control of your own destiny.
Complaining, making excuses, and blaming others for his station in life are the hallmarks of an average man. Complaining achieves absolutely nothing for a man, and for good reason. You are equipped with masculine strengths to get what you want out of life. Men are expected to be strong and rightfully so. You have all the necessary ingredients to be a great man who goes and gets what he wants out of life. When you complain, you are broadcasting to the world that you’ve failed to be a man.
Women and children can, at least in some cases, find men who are willing to save them because men are biologically hardwired to take care of women and children. Men, on the other hand, don’t have that option. There is no free lunch for a man. If you want something, you have to go and get it. Nothing will be handed to you on a gold platter. Your well-being is your responsibility. You must be willing to solve all of your problems in life by yourself, including the problems that are not your fault. Unless you learn how to fend for yourself you are bound to suffer for a lifetime.
Nothing of value comes for free. If you want a hot girlfriend you should mold yourself into an attractive man. If you want to make money you should produce something of value that other people are willing to pay for. If you want to get rich you should produce something of value that millions of other people are willing to pay for. If you want a rewarding social life you should work on building your social skills.
You must be completely unapologetic about your ambitions. Just like no one will save you if you end up miserable, poor, weak, and sick; no one has the right to judge you for your ambitions as well. If no one cares about you, why should you care what they think about you?
When you eventually manage to build a great man out of yourself with great effort; you, as well as others, will recognize your high value and you will be amply rewarded. Only then do you deserve to live a fabulous life.
This article is an excerpt from Chapter 1 of my book How To Be A Superior Man: Master Yourself, Get Leaner And Stronger, Achieve Your Goals, Become The Man You Want To Be. Read more here.
Footnotes
- Women and children first | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_and_children_first
- Here’s how many children you can have in a lifetime | https://www.businessinsider.com/how-many-children-you-can-have-lifetime-2018-11#:~:text=Women%20can%20reproduce%20for%20about,15%20pregnancies%20in%20a%20lifetime