The victim mentality is believing that you are helpless against the challenges of life.
A victim mentality leads to weakness, self-doubt, apathy, failure, timidity, depression, misery, poverty, sickness, ineptitude, shame, submission, servitude, lethargy, drug abuse, inferiority, and barren love life.
The victor mentality is believing that you are in full control of your life. A victor welcomes the challenges of life, loves overcoming them and thrives.
A victor mentality leads to strength, confidence, perseverance, success, boldness, contentment, joy, wealth, health, competence, pride, dominance, mastery, fitness, willpower, greatness, and rich love life.
Here are 24 ways to get rid of the victim mentality and adopt a victor mentality:
1) Accept that life is unfair
Victim mentality: Life is so unfair. Woe is me. I wish my parents were richer. I wish I had better genetics. I wish I was taller, more handsome and smarter. I wish I was born in another country/city/province.
Victor mentality: I fully acknowledge and understand that life is unfair. That’s how nature operates. Everybody is subject to the laws of nature. It’s nothing personal.
I refuse to be discouraged by the things I can’t change. My duty is to take full control of the things that I can change and make the most out of the cards I’ve been dealt with.
I already won the genetic lottery by being born a human. Humans are at the top of the food chain. We are the kings of the world. Not only I was born a human, but I also was born in the best time to be alive. My life is already more comfortable than the kings of the past. I have everything in me not to just survive but to thrive.
2) Stop complaining
Victim mentality: I am so unlucky. All the bad things happen to me. I learned from my mother that bad luck runs in our family. I will never start my own business because when 90% of the new businesses fail in 5 years, I stand no chance to succeed given how unlucky I am. I should just get a job and slave away my life.
Victor mentality: There’s no such thing as luck. Complaining will not solve my problems. If something bad happened to me, it must have happened to millions of others too. I will research and find the works of men who solved the same problem I have now. There are millions of people who are not better than me, started businesses and got rich. There’s no reason why I can’t do it too.
3) Assume that everything is your fault
Victim mentality: My life sucks because the public failed to elect a president who would solve all my problems. People are so stupid to vote for that candidate. If my candidate won, everyone’s life would be better. Why can’t other people see this obvious fact?!
The economy isn’t doing well and my financials are ruined. I hope it will recover soon so that I can be well-off.
The girls in this country are entitled. I will just go ahead and watch porn instead of having to meet their impossible standards.
I hate my job and I am stuck in this awful city. I wish I had more free time and money.
Victor mentality: I don’t count on politicians to decide for my future. I am fully aware that politicians don’t care about me and that’s fine. I make my own destiny, not the politicians or people who vote for whoever candidate they want.
I understand that financial crises happen all the time. I expect them to happen. I spend my money carefully at prosperous times and save for the bad times. When a financial crisis hits, I look for ways to profit from the desperation of others.
Women always want the top men and it always has been this way. It’s the rule of nature. No amount of complaining will change that. The best way to attract women is to become a high-value man. I will improve my financial situation, build muscle, enhance my social skills, live an exciting life and travel the world. The women are the byproducts of my awesome lifestyle.
It’s my fault to be stuck in this ugly city with a dead-end job. I will look for another job in another city while working on my side projects in my spare time. My goal is to become my own boss, preferably in a location independent business. I will have all the money, free time and mobility I need if I persist and eventually become successful.
Victim mentality: I can’t lose weight even though I follow the latest fad diet I saw on TV. If it’s on TV it can’t be wrong. So, there must be something wrong with me. I always follow the majority. Millions of people can’t be wrong at the same time, right?
Last night my team lost their game. I am so embarrassed that I can’t even look at the faces of my coworkers. I think they should replace the coach so that we can be the champions next season.
Successful people succeed because they have the right connections. I am not connected to any influential person. That’s why I fail.
I did everything right in life and my life still sucks. I went to school, I got good grades, I went to a good college, I got a good job, I got married and I had kids. What more am I supposed to do?
My wife divorced me and took away the kids and half of my money. Moreover, I am paying way too much tax. That’s why I have difficulty making ends meet.
Victor mentality: I don’t follow fads because I am aware that the majority of the people are always wrong. Besides, I know that the mainstream media is my enemy. I refuse to watch TV, read newspapers or buy magazines.
I don’t support a sports team because I have zero control over their success or failure. I prefer to engage in activities that I have control over.
I will be successful myself first before I attract the attention of other successful people. Having the right connections will further my success and contentment.
The path that is laid out for me is a path to mediocrity. I refuse to play by the rules. I know that college education is not what it’s cracked up to be and modern marriage is a scam. If I want kids, I will find a way to do it without the involvement of the government. If I must get married, I will not do it without a prenup.
I am not divorced because I have never been married in the first place. I studied the tax laws and I pay as little tax as possible. I get to keep most of my hard-earned money.
5) Prioritize your needs over the needs of others
Victim mentality: A close friend of mine is going through tough times and he said he needs someone to talk to. I was planning to go to the gym tonight but I canceled it so that I can comfort my friend.
I am trying to build a side business in my spare time. My live-in girlfriend’s relatives visit us occasionally and I sacrifice my work time in order to accommodate them because I don’t want my girlfriend to get mad at me.
I always stop what I am doing and answer the phone no matter how busy I am.
I try to please everybody but they are still not happy. What’s wrong with people?
Victor mentality: My gym time is crucial and I won’t cancel any training session unless there is a life or death emergency. My friend can talk to me later.
I told my girlfriend to welcome her relatives outside my house. I want my house to be quiet when I am working.
I taught the people in my life not to disturb me when I am busy.
Pleasing everybody is impossible and thus, futile.
6) Stop seeking approval
Victim mentality: I should get married before I turn 30 because that’s what society expects me to do.
I am 50 years old and I want to date a girl in her 20s. But, if I do that what will others think of me? The age difference is too big to explain. I will go ahead and date a wrinkly, old woman.
I want to take up strength training and build muscle but people will think I am narcissistic and shallow. I know that girls love muscular men but if I build muscle, people will see through it and accuse me of doing it for the girls. I will go and take up marathon running instead.
I love sweet and submissive women but I will just date a strong and independent woman because I don’t want others to think that I am a misogynist.
Victor mentality: Modern marriage is designed to make women happy at my expense. It’s none of anybody’s business whether I get married or not.
I am 50 years old, I am single and I can date any woman I want as long as she is an adult. Age-appropriate dating is a lie. Women love older men. When I was 18, girls of my age were attracted to older men whereas the girls who were attracted to me were of illegal age. As the years went by, the tables have turned. Now it’s my time to enjoy the high value I built with years of hard work and date the girls I desire.
I love sweet and submissive women and I chose a girlfriend who has these qualities along with the other qualities I require.
7) Avoid identity politics
Victim mentality: There’s a glass ceiling preventing my success because Blacks/Whites/Asians/Jews/Muslims/Christians/[insert identity] are oppressed.
Victor mentality: Identity politics is a trap designed to exploit me. People fall for identity politics because it allows them to blame others for their failures in life. I don’t need anybody to tell me whether I am oppressed or not. I have all the resources I need in order to be successful. Nothing and no one can stop me.
8) Never apologize
Victim mentality: I am a bad person because I am a human who is consuming the resources of the world, destroying the environment, and eating poor animals.
I feel guilty for living in a wealthy country when children are starving in Africa.
It’s wrong to try to get rich when half of the world is living in poverty.
Ambition is wrong. It’s greedy and evil. I should work on being compassionate rather than being ambitious.
I recently met a hot girl that I want to bang. I won’t make my intentions known until I gain her trust because I don’t want her to think I only want her for sex.
Victor mentality: Humans are part of nature. I eat meat without remorse because my body needs it and it’s in my nature. I have every right to utilize the resources of the world as long as I don’t break the law.
It’s not my fault to be born in a rich country. The world is a cruel place. Of course, I will use every edge I have as long as I follow the law.
Working to build wealth is not a zero-sum game. I can help poor people more when I get rich if that’s what I want. If that’s not what I want, it’s nobody else’s business.
I own my ambitions without remorse and apology. Ambition is good. Ambition is the only reason humans were able to build the modern comforts we enjoy in today’s world. Anybody who thinks ambition is evil should turn his phone off, stop riding the motor vehicles, stop living in a house and go to the forest to hunt wild animals to feed himself.
I recently met a hot girl that I want to bang. I properly made my intentions known from the get-go. Girls already know men want to fuck them so I am not fooling anybody anyway. Men want sex and it’s perfectly normal. All 7 billion people inhabiting the world are the results of sexual intercourse. If anybody tries to shame me for my desire to have sex, I will tell him/her that he/she owes his life to the sexual desires of men. If men weren’t so into sex human species would long be extinct.
9) Learn to say no
Victim mentality: I end up attending wedding ceremonies that I don’t want to go because it would be rude to say no to an invitation.
I recently visited my aunt and she had cooked delicious cookies for me. I am on a diet but I couldn’t say no to the cookies she offered because I didn’t want to make her feel rejected.
Yesterday, I went out with my coworkers. Everyone was drinking and having fun but I am trying to quit drinking. I went ahead and drank beer with them because I didn’t want to be known as the party pooper.
Victor mentality: I do the things I want to do and I don’t do the things I don’t want to do. When I am on a diet, no amount of insistence will make me eat something I don’t want to eat. Same goes for alcohol. If someone is offended that I reject their offer, it’s their problem to allow other people’s decisions to impact their mood. People are selfish anyway so I don’t think they care about whether I drink, eat or not.
10) Speak your mind
Victim mentality: I am scared to voice my controversial opinions because that might be offensive to some people. I may even get ostracised for my views.
Victor mentality: Hiding the truth does more harm than good. I’ll speak my mind no matter the consequences.
11) Own your masculinity
Victim mentality: Girls have it so easy. I have to bust my ass to get a date but girls don’t need to do anything. All they have to do is to show up.
I don’t want to look competitive, ambitious and selfish because these qualities are frown upon in society. I have to know my limits and I should be humble and benevolent.
I just learned on the mainstream media that masculinity is toxic. I should suppress my masculine desires so that people won’t think I’m toxic.
Victor mentality: Girls have a short reproductive window so they don’t have time to build themselves up to be worthy of reproduction. That’s why they have it easy when they are young. I am a man and I have different strengths. I have to perform and build my value up. As I age, work hard, and become a higher value man, the tables will turn. There’s no free lunch for a man.
Being competitive, ambitious and selfish are my masculine strengths which I should celebrate and make use of. Apologizing for my strengths is the dumbest thing that I can imagine. I want the best out of life and I will succeed thanks to my strengths.
12) Stop being entitled
Victim mentality: Things seldom go my way. Why is life so hard?
Victor mentality: Things seldom go my way because that’s how life is. I have the mental strength to work hard and overcome the obstacles on my way. Yes, life is hard but that only enhances the pride of achievement.
13) Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses
Victim mentality: The other day I saw my neighbor’s new car in the parking lot. Wow, that’s a cool car. My car is old and that makes me look like a loser. I don’t have the money to buy a new car but I will get a loan and buy it anyway because I don’t want my neighbors to think that I am a loser.
Victor mentality: The other day I saw my neighbor’s new car in the parking lot. I know his job so there’s no way he could afford such an expensive car. He must have bought it on credit. What a loser. My car is old but I am careful with my finances. I always spend less than I make because I don’t want to go into debt. Debt severely restricts my freedom so I adamantly avoid it. I will only buy a new car when I can comfortably pay it cash.
14) Stand up for yourself (but be selective about the cause)
Victim mentality: My friends invited me out but my girlfriend nags whenever I meet my friends. I will tell my friends that I can’t come and make up a believable excuse.
Everyone is getting promoted at work but me. I am working hard and I believe I deserve a promotion. I will keep quiet, continue to do my job and hope that the boss notices my efforts and finally gives me what I deserve.
I am 40 years old and I have never been married. I feel ashamed and uncomfortable whenever someone asks me why I never got married. I just tell them I wasn’t able to find true love yet.
Victor mentality: If my girlfriend is nagging me when I meet my friends, it means I didn’t do a good job choosing the right girlfriend. I should dump her ass and be more diligent next time I decide to get a girlfriend.
Working a job is not only about my performance at work. There are lots of office politics and drama that I refuse to get sucked in. I don’t give a damn whether I am promoted or not. I do the minimum required work to not get fired, and I am working on my side projects in my spare time. I will quit my job whenever a side project starts to make more money than my day job.
I am 40 years old and I have never been married. I answer “it’s a private matter” whenever someone asks me about it. It’s none of anyone else’s business whether I get married or not.
15) Grow a thick skin against criticism
Victim mentality: Whenever a friend, a family member, my girlfriend, my boss or a coworker criticizes me, I lose my confidence. If people criticize me, it means I am wrong. I will change my ways so that I get less criticism.
Victor mentality: The purpose of criticism is often to keep me down. People always play mind games to make me doubt my self-worth, abilities, and potential. I already hold myself to high standards so criticisms don’t faze me unless they come from a mentor that I respect.
16) Adopt a positive frame of mind
Victim mentality: My girlfriend dumped me. I am ruined.
I got fired from my job. I am ruined.
Victor mentality: My girlfriend dumped me. I’m sad now but I will be fine. Being in a relationship isn’t all a bed of roses. There are upsides and downsides to having a girlfriend. Now that I don’t have a girlfriend, I am free to bang some new girls. Whenever I decide to get a new girlfriend, I can go ahead and find one. There’s a very good chance that I will find a better one than the last one.
I got fired from my job. The lump-sum severance package I received will give me some ample time to work full time on my side projects. Besides, the industry of my previous job was unstable. If I educate myself and acquire the necessary skills, I can find a better job in a more stable industry.
Victim mentality: I am looking for a girlfriend. Today, I met a great girl. Her name is Olivia. I wish she was my girlfriend. However, I will lose my confidence if I make a move and she rejects me. I will hide my intentions until I win her trust so that it will be harder for her to turn me down.
Victor mentality: I am looking for a girlfriend. Today, I met a girl. Her name is Olivia. She looks good and I may want her as a girlfriend. I will ask her out and see whether she holds up to my standards. If she rejects my date offer, I will not waste my precious time with her and move on to the next girl.
18) Overcome the hardcore religious dogma
Victim mentality: Every cell in my body is wanting to have sex but my religion says that I will burn in hell if I have sex out of wedlock.
I wish I had a sports car, a luxury house, and a lavish lifestyle but my religion says that greed is a sin. I will be content with what I have and not ask for more because asking for more is greed and it’s an affront to God.
Victor mentality: Religion is an irrational set of rules designed to render me a slave. Modern marriage is a scam. I will avoid marriage and have as much sex as I want with the women I fancy.
I want a Lamborghini, a mansion and a lavish lifestyle and I can have them all if I work hard and smart enough. I make no apologies for what I want from life as long as I don’t break the law.
Victim mentality: I want to go to a nice restaurant and eat a delicious meal. After that, I want to go to the theatre and watch a movie. I have to find someone to accompany me because if I go alone I will look like a loser with no friends or a girlfriend. If they want to go to another restaurant that I don’t like, that’s fine because it’s still better than going out alone. Same goes for the movie. I will go watch a movie that I don’t want to watch if my friends prefer to do so because it’s better than being alone and moreover I get to bond with my friends.
Victor mentality: I want to go to a nice restaurant and eat a delicious meal. After that, I want to go to the cinema and watch a movie. I won’t ask anyone to accompany me because I enjoy being alone and making all the decisions without having to worry about the preferences of others.
20) Get rid of your limiting beliefs
Victim mentality: I started strength training to build muscle. After 4 months of training, I wasn’t able to build any muscle whatsoever so I stopped. I must have bad genetics to build muscle.
I see hot girls everywhere. I want them badly but they are out of reach for me because I am short, ugly and poor.
I want to build a business but I am too old already. I wasted my younger years working a dead-end job and now it’s too late to start my own business and get rich.
Victor mentality: I joined the gym to lift weights and build muscle. After 4 months of training, I wasn’t able to build any muscle whatsoever so I figured that I was doing something wrong. I did research on training methods and I found out that my training routine sucked. I took up a bodyweight training routine that’s robust and effective because I learned that it’s the best way to start building muscle. Now everyone around me is asking how in the hell I was able to become so muscular so quick.
I see hot girls everywhere. I am short, ugly and poor but I will approach them and see what happens. If I don’t succeed, it’s no big deal. I know that girls are interested in a man’s status. I have a wide variety of ways to elevate my status. Since I am already working hard every day to improve myself, girls will follow sooner or later.
I want to build a business and I don’t care if I am too old to do it. As long as my health is intact, there’s no reason why I can’t do it. Lots of people built businesses at older ages than me and got rich. If they could do it I can do it too.
21) Celebrate other people’s success
Victim mentality: That guy over there is busted but he has a hot girlfriend. I feel so bad that a man who is uglier than me can get such a beautiful girl. I am so unlucky.
One of my classmates started a business and he’s doing very well. I heard that he bought a new sports car and a new cool house. I can’t believe people are paying for that dumb ass’s services. I had better grades at school but I am having a hard time making ends meet. Life is so unfair.
Victor mentality: Wow, look at that busted dude with that smoke show. Good for him. If that guy is dating up, I can do that too.
One of my classmates started a business and he’s doing very well. I had better grades than him at school but he found a way to make more money than me. I am happy for him and his success inspires me. If he can do well in business, there’s no reason I can’t do better. I will visit him and see what he can teach me about his success.
22) Don’t take advice from average people, including your parents
Victim mentality: My teachers and my parents say that I should go to college, get a good job and get married. I will do as they say because they are obviously more experienced than me and I am sure they want the best for me.
Victor mentality: I love my teachers and parents but they are just average people who are neither rich nor successful. I will ignore their advice and look for mentors who are wildly successful in their fields.
23) Don’t be afraid to fail
Victim mentality: I started 3 businesses and all of them failed. Building a business is not for me. I will find a 9-5 job and be miserable for the rest of my life.
I am scared of public speaking. What if I get tongue-tied and embarrass myself? I don’t want everyone to laugh at me.
Victor mentality: No matter how many of my businesses fail, I will keep on trying until one of them takes hold. I know that one success erases all the previous failures. I keep my costs low so failing a business only costs me some of my time but the experience I gain offsets that negative.
I will speak in front of people to increase my confidence. I don’t care if I get tongue-tied and people laugh at me. I don’t care what they think and most of them will forget about the incident in 5 minutes and start worrying about their own problems anyway.
24) Accept the reality of death
Victim mentality: I can’t get over the fact that one day I will die. What’s the point of worldly belongings when I will die one day and it’s impossible to take what I have to the grave.
I’m am devastated that I lost a loved one. Life will never be good again.
I lost a loved one so I must prove to people how sad I am so that they don’t think I didn’t love him/her. Today my friends called me to go to the movies but I declined because everyone else will think I’m having fun despite I lost a family member.
Victor mentality: Death is a part of life. My time on earth is limited and I am determined to make the most out of it.
I lost a loved one and I’m mourning. However, life goes on. The pain will subside with time and I will go on living my life.
I lost a loved one and I am living my grief inside me. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Today my friends called me to go to the movies and I accepted. It will help me to ease my mind.
P.S. Be a Better Man in 30 Days Program is how you take full control of your life, elevate your status, stop being a victim and start being a victor.